Name: Alishia Ali Ande  Anderson

Organisation:

Award Category: Author/blogger (international)

Sponsored By:

Voting Is Now Closed

My Plea:

Monday, January 18, 2016 is a day I will never forget. It is the day I was officially inducted into the underground community of baby loss parents and issued an exclusive membership I never signed up for. I went into the doctor’s office three days prior, on Friday, January 15th, an eager first-time mother excitedly anticipating seeing her 28-week old son; and left the office as a disheveled, heartbroken, shattered rookie of baby loss. In a matter of 20 seconds I became 1 in 4 pregnancies resulting in the loss of my growing baby boy.

Let’s take it back to the beginning of my pregnancy journey. I never really thought about having children of my own on a regular basis. But after being asked hundreds of times when we were going to start a family after 3 years of wedded bliss, my husband and I decided the time was right for us. We got pregnant fairly quickly and were super nervous first time parents trying to do right by the tiny seed that was growing and developing every day.

My pregnancy went on without a hitch for 28 straight weeks. I tried to avoid foods I wasn’t supposed to eat, I read pregnancy books, downloaded pregnancy apps, tracked my weekly process (i.e. your baby is the size of a watermelon) started taking weekly birth classes, and we began preparing our home and hearts for the precious gift we were about to welcome.

My story is not unique. Unfortunately baby loss occurs every day around the globe. I decided early on in my grieving process that I would share the good, bad, and ugly about baby loss because I never heard others talk openly about this often taboo topic and it made me feel better when I talked about my son DJ and reflected on my journey (even though it ended in an unexpected way).

By sharing my story of DJ’s death I’ve been able to tap into a peace and inner strength I never knew I possessed, I’ve connected with countless baby loss families around the globe via social media and in person, I’ve created space tackling what I’ve coined as the 3 S’s of baby loss: silence, secrecy, and shame opening the door for necessary dialogue surrounding a topic which is typically not discussed outside of the baby loss community.

My book was birthed out of the need to share the raw emotions I was feeling at the beginning of my grief journey as well as chronicling my progress towards healing through mediums such as journaling, prayer, therapy/counseling, and joining various baby loss communities. I never wanted one parent experiencing baby loss (especially stillbirth) after me to be caught off-guard like I was. I wanted to create a step-by-step manual of how I dealt with the gaping hole in my heart (due to baby loss) and to share how I got through the darkness of grief and into the light of healing. I also wrote my book so grief-adjacent family members and friends as well as the community at large knew how to handle baby loss families in a respectful, comforting, productive way.

Ultimately, I wrote my book to honor my firstborn son DJ and create a long-lasting legacy for him even in his physical absence. But I also wanted to tell my story so others could be inspired into action to share their own baby loss stories and speak their angel babies’ names. The more we talk about our experiences, and our precious babies who are gone too soon, the more we will make baby loss a regular discussion in our lexicon…the more we can work to prevent such occurrences for future families.

“ONE DAY YOU WILL TELL YOUR STORY OF HOW YOU’VE OVERCOME WHAT YOUR’E GOING THROUGH NOW, AND IT WILL BECOME A PART OF SOMEONE ELSE’S SURVIVAL GUIDE!” – UNKNOWN (I was sent this quote from a follower of mine who says me sharing my story of loss has been her survival guide to navigating her baby loss grief).

HOW I’VE INSPIRED OTHERS
After writing my book, I decided I wanted to create a digital platform where I can connect with baby loss parents on a daily basis to move the conversation about baby loss/infant loss from the pages of my book onto a social media outlet. I love my Instagram page because it is a curated space where I can bring voice to baby loss parents at different stages of their grief and healing processes. I’ve connected with countless baby loss mothers, fathers, grandparents, and more through honest, open, and transparent posts about the ups and downs of stillbirth, baby loss, expecting after loss, rainbow babies, motherhood after loss, and even nurturing your relationship with your spouse/partner after loss. I’ve fostered numerous conversations in my DM’s with baby loss moms who have asked for my advice to move towards healing, how to voice their feelings to friends, family, and even spouses, and I’ve even lifted the spirits of depleted moms tired of the knock-out, drag-out punches of grief. I’ve turned my IG platform into a community of inspiration, healing, solidarity, openness, and hope.

DM’S I’VE RECEIVED
I receive DM’s and comments on my post daily that remind me why I wrote my book Still Here: A Memoir of Love, Loss, and Triumph After Stillbirth in the first place. These comments I receive truly humble me and motivate me to show up every day for that one mom that may need my encouraging words to make it through the day. Here are a few examples of messages I’ve received…

“Thank you for sharing your journey and showing me that I can heal from this and smile and laugh and live, even if my baby isn’t here with me physically. You give me so much hope!” – IG follower

“Thank you for telling your story. Thank you for being brave and advocating for loss such as ours.” – IG Follower

“I heard your story on Life After Miscarriage (LAM) Podcast. I honor you for your strength through such a difficult time and love how you keep your son’s spirit alive.” – IG Follower

“Hey, I came across your page because unfortunately I am also a grieving mother, but in the very early stages…it’s been nearly 8 months now for me since my boy left…your daily posts are really uplifting. I haven’t gotten the confidence or strength to post my journey yet. Xoxo” – IG Follower

I am honored to be nominated amongst such amazing people, authors, bloggers, and organizations that do the work of advocating and giving voice to baby loss. Although the pain of loss is agonizing, devastating, and relentless at times it is what I’ve been called and purposed to do! I will continue to give voice to the voiceless.

What Others Have Said

The author Alishia Anderson is a beautiful light to this world for creating this book. She has used her life-changing experience of losing her very first child from stillbirth to uplift and encourage others around the world that they will get through it one day at a time and it’s okay to say their names aloud..

https://youtu.be/6SCL-u1Xxus