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#TEAMVINNIE- my story so far
After spending all of summer in 1998 crippled in pain and deteriorating by the day and weighing a painful 5 stone my world came crashing down when I eventually got diagnosed with crohns disease on Nov 10th 1998.
After numerous tests and treatments and large doses of steroids that blew my face up like a balloon I was barely unrecognizable , so last resort was to be fed by a nasogastric tube to give my bowel a complete rest. This is when I began to feel a little better I had no solid food for over a year only liquid through a tube into my stomach, I used to wear a back pack outdoors with my feed attached hoping nobody would see me, but I was afraid to go to school as I knew how cruel kids could be, so spent most my time getting home schooled feeling like I was trapped in my own house ,still to this day I have my best friend Bethany who nominated me for this award (friendship of now 21 years) for pulling me out of severe depression as she encouraged me to go out and socialise with friends and helped gain some of my confidence back, even the bullies didn’t stop me, a teacher once told me to take that “hair accessory “ out, little did she know it was keeping me alive,this is something ill never forget being humiliated in front of the whole class, Beth gave me the confidence to stand up to them if she hadn’t already sorted them out herself mind, she was my rock.
Remission never lasted long 6 months at most, countless drugs and tests always trying to find a new drug nothing ever lasted long I’d have bouts of good weeks due to new medication then I would grow antibodies and stop working even the doctors was struggling to control my disease as I had one of the worst cases they’d ever seen at the time, battling through and not getting anywhere we had no choice and needed major bowel surgery in 2004 to cut out the diseased part of the bowel, I had some relief on and off for a while with different drugs but I just learnt to cope in pain, not a day went by without pain killers this was my new normal but I somehow managed to start a career in nursing and went onto study adult nursing at hull university ,because I missed so much schooling I had to go back to college to get my grades for uni but I wasn’t giving up I wanted to give something back it was my way of repaying the NHS .I didn’t quite finish my nursing got to my 2nd year as once again my crohns was getting too much along with studying so I decided to take a break, then this was when I got the job working at my local A&E in Nov 2010.
It still amazes me and everyone around me now how I get through some days but with the sheer determination and a very understanding boss and work family I’m still there today even though iv probably spent more times there as a patient than I have worked mind.
Battling through a work life balance little did I know the worst was yet to come, after finding a bleed in my bowel I once again needed major surgery to fix this, this didn’t quite go to plan following surgery I ended up in intensive care, my wound opened so you could see all the internal stitches and ended up in septic shock and had drains in situ whilst on IV antibiotics, I had never been so poorly and I couldn’t see no way out I kept repeatedly getting sepsis and growing resistant to antibiotics, I was never out of hospital for longer than a week before sepsis came back getting weaker each time, in the end was left with no choice but to be admitted into hospital long term to prepare for further surgery ,the surgery iv been trying to avoid since I was 11 to prepare for having a stoma , I wasn’t strong enough for the surgery so needed a central line to feed me with TPN to build me up and antibiotics as my veins was shutting down it was serious stuff, my life turned upside down as a young girl when I woke up after the stoma surgery in July 2014.
Unfortunately this wasn’t the end, the sepsis continued, my wound reopened I contacted MRSA, I had extensive fistula tracts from the drains that are now inoperable and to this day still deal with the pain and constant leaking from them, changing dressings and stoma/fistula bags up to 3 times a day, I had open access to the ward ,where I spent my time isolated in a cubicle, this was when they told my mum was nothing more they could do for me, the worst possible news a mother could hear, until after some careful research with my surgeon and gastro Dr we had one last option and that’s to be referred to a specialist IBD hospital in Harrow London, you have to fit a specific criteria and wasn’t until I was at this point could I be referred.
During this living nightmare and adjusting to life with a stoma whilst waiting for a bed at St Mark’s hospital which in total took 5 weeks did I meet my now fiancé Ian in the midst of all this in summer 2014 , the worst possible time of my life I never expected to meet someone but he remained by my side only basically as friends for quite some time till St marks changed my life around.
Another surgery in the June 2015 another stoma which meant I had colostomy and ileostomy both at the same time which was horrific and of course another case of sepsis and open wound which involved me having a vac pump attached to help with the healing even managed to get back to work doing light non clinical duties with this in place, my managers praised me for wanting to work and was glad to see me back, I somehow started to see light at the end of tunnel and started putting weight on started enjoying my life again with Ian it seemed to be finally falling into place ,and 8 months later I had my ileostomy reversed in January 2016 a stint on high dependency no sepsis but of course another open wound but I was discharged ready to get my life back on track and start thinking of my future with Ian,the thoughts about a future with children so we went for fertility tests and had our first appointment October 2016, it wasn’t the news we wanted to hear” I’m so sorry Sarah but it’s going to be impossible to have children “and impossible to even have IVF or give birth naturally, our world came crashing down, I was inconsolable hadn’t I been through enough, feeling guilty to Ian as it was all down to me I just wanted to give him the most precious gift of all after everything he’s done for me and stood by me when I was literally on deaths door I couldn’t give him anything in return, we was told ‘adopt ‘ or ‘accept’ neither option was an option at this stage so Ian encouraged me to have a second opinion, my GP had similar thoughts as the local fertility Drs but she agreed I had rights to at least try.
December 2016 we had an appointment at Leeds fertility where we got told IVF was an option We had a glimmer of hope and had nothing to lose. We commenced treatment march 2017,unfortunately the first round never worked but of course we wasn’t going to give up. We took our self on a dream holiday cruising round California in a Ford mustang exactly what we needed and we came back stress free ready to go again. By some miracle our 2nd round of IVF worked this was it all our dreams come true, of course the pregnancy wasn’t plain sailing and was always a worry that our baby boy was small, and then my cervix started to open at 24 weeks so was put on bed rest at St James hospital Leeds. I was in hospital for 8 weeks Drs was amazed how far id come as they’d prepped me for delivery with steroids and had NICU(neonatal intensive care) on standby, with virtually no measurable cervix. We got to 30 weeks and by this point our baby boys growth had dropped off the chart so was preparing for induction at 32 weeks.
Unfortunately we never quite made it that far, I popped out for lunch on the 19th march 2018 with my best friend when I thought I couldn’t feel much movement, so I went back up to the ward and asked the midwife to check everything was ok, the midwife couldn’t find the heartbeat on the Doppler so asked the on call Dr to scan me, soon as my baby boy appeared on the screen I knew something was wrong he wasn’t wriggling I couldn’t hear the beating of his heart, and slowly the Dr turned around with tears in her eyes with the most soul destroying news iv ever heard ‘Sarah I’m so sorry your baby has passed away”. My world ended having to relay them words to Ian when he eventually arrived to the hospital broke me even more along with both our parents was utterly devastating.
I just wanted to meet our beautiful baby now so we prepared for induction the next day ,surrounded by our family , Vinnie Francis William Carrick came into the world sleeping on the 20th march 2018 at 22.23pm weighing a tiny 2lb 2oz, delivering him naturally against all odds , placing him straight on my chest he was the most precious beautiful baby boy I’d ever seen how could he be so perfect, my heart ached for him to cry I was finally a mummy though something that I thought was impossible so I cherished every minute I had with him whilst in the hospital until he had to go off for his post mortem a few days later.
Leaving the hospital Ian walking in front of me with no baby or car seat in his hands made my heart shatter into a million pieces, he would of been such an amazing daddy to Vinnie, we got to bring Vinnie home for the night with the help of the midwife ,they was able to provide a cold mat so we could spend the last night with him, we was able to create lots of special memories thanks to our amazing bereavement midwife, she really went above and beyond and will always be very special to us. Having him at home meant we could have lots of precious family time too, his Nanna Grandad Grandma and his special aunties all came to visit him for cuddles ,we treat him no different. The day came where I had to give him up I couldn’t bare to leave him the hardest of all, then having to bury our baby boy ,something no parents should ever have to do.
We often visit him at his graveside and take him fresh sunflowers’, we did his nursery in a fox theme along with his pram, so we continue his memory through foxes and blowing him some bubbles every time we visit. Vinnie had a special hand knitted teddy with him the whole time and we had lots more made in his memory that we donated to our midwife to give to other parents and babies in the same position as us, this teddy brought so much comfort.
We also had £400 from the service instead of flowers donated to SANDS charity in his memory. We will continue to keep his memory going, Ian and my brother in law are also doing the Yorkshire 3 peaks in memory of Vinnie, with over a £1000 of donations so far we hope to continue to raise awareness and help with future research and families.
We eventually received the post mortem results 12 weeks later, the day before we were due to go on holiday which meant we was able to go on holiday and relax knowing the results. Little did I know Ian was planning something special, to my surprise on the 9th June at a beautiful restaurant in Lindos overlooking the sunset he asked me to marry him, he did it in the most special way a moment I’ll never forget, he included Vinnie and recorded a video holding our beautiful baby boy asking me to be his wife, little did I know he did this the night we brought him home it couldn’t of been more perfect, of course he had to be involved .
Vinnies results gave us hope for a future of being parents again, we was told our baby boy likely had a cord accident but due to his growth restriction he wasn’t strong enough to survive, my placenta was half the weight so he was struggling from day one, we had an answer as to what happened and this meant we could move forward and another round of IVF was possible, so here we go again preparing for round 3, 6 months on were now mentally and physically ready to try again in the hope of a little brother or sister for Vinnie.
We will never give up hope, surely this is our time, hoping and praying to get our special rainbow baby.
Being nominated for this inspirational mother award means so much to me, just by being called a mother is overwhelming as this was something I didn’t think was possible, but I will continue to inspire people everyday with so much love and support around me ,we Will hopefully achieve our hopes and dreams which will give my journey to being an inspirational mother a happy ending .
Thank you xxx
What others have said:
“On the 10th of November 1998 Sarah was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, and she became housebound due to being fed by a tube. Sarah was bullied at school for the changes in her appearance. Sarah has only had 6 months of remission in 20 years. She has been fitted with a stoma colostomy bag and only has 115cm small bowel remaining and has open wounds. Sarah will need more surgery which will lead to her being TPN tube feeding eventually. She was told she would never be a Mum & they gave her the go ahead to try for IVF. The first time failed but after perseverance she managed to fall pregnant. Every week was challenging but she didn’t complain. Sarah contracted MRSA and was hospitalised again. Sarah managed to get to 24 weeks pregnant and her cervix started to open. Close monitoring and extra care meant Sarah hung on with bed rest and managed to get to 32 weeks. Sarah & I went for lunch and she hadn’t felt the baby move so asked the midwife back at the hospital to do a scan, there was no heartbeat detected. She had to give birth to her sleeping miracle baby son Vinnie. I want the world to know how amazing she is.”
Good luck x
Amazing woman and so strong i wept reading it
Amazing woman x
Heartbreaking story ! Such a brave girl Sarah ! You so deserve this award! Xxxx
Wow! Just Wow! There are no words to describe what an amazing and brave woman she is! Her unbelievable courage to carry on against all odds is just truly humbling!
Amazing and strong woman
Sarah is the most inspiration woman I have ever known. When she’s knocked down she’s always gets back up ready for another fight. I don’t know where she finds her strength from to get up each day and takes what ever is thrown at her. Vinnie has the strongest mummy I have ever know. She is my hero
Truly inspirational story to read.
Sarah is an inspiration to everyone around her. She has been through so much in her life and she has never let anything get to her. She takes everything in her stride and I couldn’t be any more proud of her.
Sarah is the most amazing person I know. She truly deserves this and more! Everything that she has been through she takes in her stride picks herself up, she is so strong and just amazing in every possible way! So proud to call her my friend. Xx
I know & have worked with Sarah, also looked after her as a patient. But I tell you I am in floods of tears right now reading her full life story. You never know how much an individual goes through to survive in life even at such a young age. Sarah needs more than a medal for what she has has to endure. I can not put anything into words, she has done it all right there all by herself yet again. Sarah, you are one Amazing Lady & if I could give you anything in this world it would be to fulfil all of your wishes. You are an AMAZING very strong lady & without a doubt deserve to be nominated. You have my vote without a doubt….. When you feel the time is right then maybe you could become some sort of Ambassador or near as to help families that face similar situations as yourself. The saying goes in our profession… Who better to ask than the patient or a person who has been there themselves. You are one true Inspiration Sarah. Big hugs to you, Ian, Vinnie & your families. X?
Love Lorraine. X
I couldn’t agree with this message anymore absolutely heart breaking for you all as a family you are so strong and inspirational xxx all my love lindsey Robinson
I think Sarah is one of the strongest, bravest women I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting always moving forward always trying to see the positive and never giving up on her dreams
The definition of inspiration ?
Sarah is such an amazing person inside and out, she has been through so much in her life and never moans. She picks herself up and deals so well with her daily struggles. To say she deserves this is an understatement. Proud to be able to call her my friend.
So much love you are so strong never give up your dreams xxx
Wishing you all the love and luck in the world. That little rainbow baby is waiting for you xxx
Good luck Sarah! ?
Good look xx
I’m in floods of tears reading this inspirational story of such a strong amazing woman. I’ll hold you in my thoughts, that rainbow baby is waiting for you. One day you’ll be a family in every sense of the word xxx
So proud of Sarah, she is one of my best friends and not only has she had some really hard times in life with her health, to then go through every parents worse nightmare and loose baby Vinnie just a week before she was due to have him, you cant even comprehend. She had so many plans for baby Vinnie, we had spoke about them daily through her pregnancy, all now turned to nothing, life is just so cruel. But Even through her pain, she still always has a smile on her face and helps others out, she has a heart of gold! As well as suffering her own grief she now wants to help other people who have been through similar situations as her, aswell as going back to work nursing! She so thoroughly deserves this award and it would make her so happy to win it and honour Vinnies name.
And I just know she will get her dream one day <3
The strongest person I know. A true inspiration xxx
Very best of luck Sarah – you are such an inspiration to others and one of the nicest people I know x
Good luck Sarah! Vinne is so lucky to have such an inspiring and loving mother xxx
Sarah is an amazing woman. She has been through a lot in her years and stayed strong and all she wants is to have a child to call her own and to love and cherish and she deserves that x
Gorgeous family and super strong ?? xx
Good luck hun, hope it goes well this time around xx
You well and truely deserve this award! Good luck babe ?⭐️
What an incredibly brave young lady . My heart goes out to her for everything she has gone through . Chrones is such an awful illness and loosing a much wanted baby is heartbreaking . I wish Sarah all the luck in the world and hope she has the child she most certainly deserves . Amazing lady xxx
Sarah is an amazing daughter I’m so so proud of her ????xx
What a truly inspirational woman xx
Good luck Sarah you deserve to win xxxxx
Good luck sarah, you truly deserve this award, after everything you have been through, such a strong brave girl and a loving mother ?
Good luck Sarah your a true inspiration never give up your amazing xxx
Crying my eyes out reading this.. Brave, strong and inspirational are 3 words I’d use to describe this mummy.. Best of luck ?
Oh sarah what utter heartbreak you have been though, I remember you being poorly when you was younger but never truly knew the extent, I wish you and your partner every happiness in the world you deserve it xx
All this suffering and she still finds time to go into a career where she helps and cares for others. Absolutely amazing!! A true inspiration x
Totally inspirational, an amazing lady xx
Wow how you have managed to get through this all this @sarahseddon23 amazes me, you are an inspiration in my eyes and I honestly hope you win~ you have my vote ??good luck ?
Good luck to you! Both amazing people! Doing that littl fella proud Loads of love Franny xxx
What a brave and wonderful person you are. You deserve to be happy, both you and your partner. I hope you can be happy again, bless you xx
The strength of this lady is so amazing. I wish her so much love & luck for her dreams xxx
Dear Sarah and Ian our love prayers and blessings to a beautiful mother and father xx
Ohh Sarah, what an inspirational lady you are. I cried so much reading what you have been through in your life. No one deserves this more than you hun xxx Good Luck xxx
Sarah has shown amazing strength and courage in the face of a situation that no parent should ever face. Her and Ian are simply top, top people. Xxx
I cannot think of anyone who deserves this more, I have witnessed a strength in you through all your hardship and turmoil that is truly amazing,i know you feel blessed to have all the lovely family and friends around you but I can tell you we are all the blessed ones to be luck enough to have such a special kind positive person in our lives. Good luck luvvy you know we think of you all the time. Daddy Arnold xxxxxxx
Inspirational woman how would have made a wonderful nurse x
Good luck Sarah x
Truly inspirational. Wishing you lots of future happiness…it is definitely deserved. xxxxx
Praying my heart out for you! I love you!
Good luck you really deserve this xx
you are an inspiration to many Sarah, all that you have been through and you always think of others first. I wish you all the best and hope that rainbow baby is round the corner for you xxx
Sarah, this was so emotional to read. You are an amazing mummy to your beautiful angel Vinnie.
Your strength is totally inspiring. Sending you and Ian so much love, best wishes and luck for the future. Xxx
Good luck Sarah xx
Bloody fantastic ❤️ Sending all my love xxx
A very brave and inspirational woman! Wishing you happiness for the future. You truly deserve it x
Wishing you all the luck in the world sazzle you deserve nothing but happiness you are so gorgeous strong and inspiring I am so touched sat here sobbing the love you have got from carrick your family and friends people absolutely wish you well xxxx
Good luck beautiful. Where all behind u xxxx
Reading this brought a tear to my eye. With everything you have been through this is thoroughly deserved not just for being an inspirational mother but as an inspiration to other people who have faced similar heartache through illness. I have nothing but respect for you with how you have battled against the odds and hope you and Ian finally have something special from this x
Thinking of you mate..
Good Look xx
I couldn’t read all this through the years. What a sad story but it shows how strong we can be when we need to
I lost a little boy at 17 weeks due to the hospital fault so understand how you must have felt
Good luck and lots of love. X
Sarah truly deserves this award, she is such an amazing lady, to go through all this and still be positive, an inspiration to so many.
You so deserve your happy ending ?
Such amazing strength to do so much when your world has fallen apart. Little Vinnie will be so very proud of his mummy. Good luck Sarah x
Such a beautiful yet heart wrenching story. The strength you have is unbelievable. From the bottom of my heart I wish you and your family the happiness you so deserve x
You’re strength as a person and as a couple is totally inspirational, keep strong and I wish you both so muck love ?
U deserve to win Sarah u are truly a inspiration worked with u in a and e good luck xx
Such a wonderful person who has been through so much trauma. A graceful warrior we all love ?
After knowing Sarah’s sister for years, it was always heartbreaking hearing what she had to go through and how strong she was.
You are amazing what you go through every day and Vinnie would be proud of you.
I hope you win this award as you deserve it so much xx
What a inspirational Mummy you are , Tears rolled down my cheeks reading this. I wish you all the luck in the world On this 3rd round of IVF , x x
Good luck, your a true inspiration xxx
XXX
Amazing! Good luck to you and Ian xxx
Im sat writing this with tears streaming down my face.Never give up, im sure you will get there in the end! My Grandma was told she couldnt have children, she too was a fighter and eventually managed to get 2 alive,after many years..I wish you all the luck and love in the world.I hope you get your rainbow baby very soon..
You are one amazing young lady, Sending you good luck wishes for a happy future xxx
Such an inspirational lady x
So brave all of you. Good luck for the future x
Sarah you have gone through so much I think you deserve this award you are an inspiration young lady I wish you all the luck in the world xxx
Sarah you truly are amazing person and you and Ian lovely couple such a strong lady and don’t deserve how cruel life has been you are inspirational xxxxx wishing you both lots happiness for future xx ?
Good luck Sarah. You deserve this award so much and are truly inspirational in the way you’ve dealt with such heartbreak. You will always be a mummy but I have everything in my body crossed that you get a rainbow baby. Your boy will be so proud of you xxx
xxxxx
Xxxxxx
You are a very brave lady Sarah. Vinnie would be so proud of his special Mummy, ❤️ xx
Sarah. You are a truly inspirational lovely caring lady. Vinnie will be so proud of his mum. Good luck . You deserve this award.xxxx
No one deserves it more then you fingers cross for the future for you all becoming a lovely family ???
Sarah and Ian you both have been so strong and brave and a big well done for what you have raised for charity. Thinking of you all xx
All the Luck in the world Sarah, You deserve the world and more.. One of the most positive strongest ladies i know and an absolute inspiration to many.. Love you millions xxxxx
Sarah you have a heart of gold. Such a lovely and warm young lady. Good luck,you deserve this xx
Reading this broke me your strength and love astounds me, sending all my love to you Ian and your beautiful rainbow son vinnie xxxxxx
You are such a brave and inspirational person. I just don’t know how you have coped threw all of this. I wish nothing but the best for you. You truly deserve this nomination xxxx
All best and hood luck x
You are both such an inspirational couple and parents that Finley is very lucky to always have. You will always be his patents and I pray for you both that you get to give him a brother or sister.
You have truly been touched by tragedy, but have found the strength to go on. My heart and love go out to you both xxx
It is so humbling to no Sarah. She is the most beautiful person inside and out I have ever met. She incredibly inspirational in countless ways, far too many to count. I pray that her life with Ian will be blessed by a child of their own. Their love for each other knows no bounds.
Being 1 of Sarah’s best friends growing up , I have seen the things sarah has had to deal with. I don’t know anyone that could deal with the half of the things she has had to face. Yet she never moans or complains . She just carries on with life. She’s such a inspiration. I just know that happy ending, you so deserve is waiting for you. Love you Sarah . Xxx
A heartbreaking story but you are both so brave and an inspiration to many other. Good luck x
Dearest Sarah, there are not enough words to say how very special you are. You have suffered so much with your own health and if that wasn’t enough your darling little boy Vinnie was taken by the Angels. You are so strong and truly inspirational, you are totally beautiful inside and out. You deserve this award so much, in fact you deserve all the very best the world has to offer.
Sending all my love and more. xxx
Dearest Sarah, there are not enough words to describe how special you are. I have watched you suffer with your own health over so many years and each time you have fort harder and come back stronger and more determined to not let this disease stop you or even slow you down slightly. I have also seen yours and Ian’s ultimate joy, knowing you were having your amazing little boy Vinnie who was then so suddenly and tragically taken from you into the care of the Angels. Despite all you have continued to share your love with everyone around you. Sarah you are strong, amazing and truly inspirational, I am so lucky to have you as my friend. Sending so much love and more xxx
No words Sarah, what an inspirational person you are, it really puts life into perspective, wishing you all the votes in the world as you deserve it Xxx
You truly are an amazing strong woman. I really hope you get your rainbow baby. Xxxxx
Omg utterly devastating! What a remarkable young woman you are! I would give you this award a million times over. Good luck & best wishes for the future xxx
Sarah you are a very strong amazing young lady who has dealt with so much in your young life.xxxx
Such a strong inspirational young woman Sarah, I hope you and Ian fulfil your hopes and dreams, you are surrounded by love and hope. Good Luck to you both xxxx
“Kind heart, fierce mind, brave spirit”
You deserve this sarah. You both have so much courage. A true inspiration to all xx
Sarah your story is both devastating and inspirational. I am hoping and praying that your dream of becoming a mum comes true. ❤️X
Extremely inspirational, you deserve all the votes in the world oxoxox
Good Luck Sarah. You are one inspirational lady. I hope you and your partner get the happy ending You so deserve. Xxx
Sarah no one deserves a happy ending more than you. You are an amazing person and so kind to others I remember you being on the ward at Grimsby hospital whilst my grandma was also on the ward with you on the opposite bed . She told us how she had been poorly and had a bad turn in the night and despite you being a patient your self you had got up and attended to her asif you were a nurse on duty even though you was so poorly your self . You are a very special lady and deserve the world and more xxxx
Best wishes guys Y.N.W.A
Sarah, a truely amazing lady and an inspiration. You are so deserving of this award. Lots of love and luck from me to you. Xxxx
Good luck Sarah!
You really deserve to win this. Xxx
Wishing you all the love in the world. You deserve this so much huni. You are so strong and inspirational. Lots of love xxx
Cried the whole way through reading Sarah’s story heartbreaking to read but such a strong mum,wish u all the luck you deserve it so much ,rip little fella ❤️
Good luck with everything you both deserve a happy ending, have known ians family for years.not a dry eye since reading your sad story. All the very best to you all xx
By far the bravest, most inspirational person I’ve ever met. You deserve this so much xxxx
What an inspirational story and incredibly strong lady and family. Brought me to tears. I wish you all the happiness in the future. xx
Good luck Sarah xxx
Sarah
You are one of the strongest women i know.
If anyone deserves to win this its you, your strength and determination is like no other.
Lots of love x
What an inspiration you really are!
Best of luck with your next round of IVF
amazing strong women I cried for you when reading, good luck for the future x