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My Plea:
It is such a privilege to even be nominated yet alone make it to the finalist stage; I truly am so grateful. It means so much and I hope that by reading this plea you will see why.
Our son Ben died in an accident when he was a day short of 4 months old in 2012. This broke the world as we knew it and since then we have been trying to place ourselves into society, but how do you make people understand what it’s like to have your child die? How do you make people have the ultimate difficult conversation? How do you make people understand that we don’t want to lie when they ask us “How many children do you have?”
My name is Nicole Bowles and I am the founder of Our Missing Peace. A charity which aims to give all bereaved parents(Vilomah) a voice, a community and a sign posting service to make finding support easier. I created a symbol of a purple heart with a jigsaw piece missing as a way to help unite bereaved parents. It is a way of starting a conversation, of trying to help educate those who haven’t lost how to talk to those who have. It is a way of showing society that we are here, we love our children, we matter.
Since launching in June 2017 we have sold over 2300 badges and have sent them to Germany, Norway, Australia, New Zealand, America and Canada. We registered with HMRC as a charity in April and have since raised enough money that we are currently applying for full charity status with the charity commission.
But how do you raise awareness of a subject that is the ultimate taboo?
This is what I have spent the last 16 months trying to tackle and I am hopefully making a difference. I am a mum on a mission trying to make having a conversation about child death and being a bereaved parent less of a taboo.
Since starting Our Missing Peace, thanks to Mary Fee MSP, I attended Scottish Parliament First Minister Questions in which all MSPs wore the badge in support of bereaved parents and I was able to meet all the party leaders and have a
one to one with Nicola Sturgeon. Following from that we got media coverage from the Daily Record, STV and various other news outlets.
I attended the launch of the National Bereavement Care Pathway during Baby Loss Awareness Week at the Houses of Parliament, and I am now a participant in the Baby Loss Awareness Week Stakeholders group. Whilst down in London we took over 400 baby names to different locations to help show people the families behind the statistics. These baby names have been taken across the UK and have since been added to, culminating in them being displayed at our first ever Our Missing Peace fundraising Gala.
Over the past 16 months I have met with several politicians to try and help raise awareness for bereaved parents and highlight how our voices need to be heard in a more public space. This resulted in Justin Madders MP mentioning myself and Our Missing Peace directly in the Baby Loss Awareness Debate in the Houses of Parliament.
To gain more media attention and to try, and raise more awareness, I have appeared in Take a Break and Woman’s Own and was able to tell people not only about our own story but how there is support out there for you and we will help you find it. There are so many amazing charities out there supporting parents and it my aim to help raise their profiles as well. Following on from my appearance at the Scottish Parliament, Mary Fee MSP hosted an Our Missing Peace networking reception in the Garden Lobby of Scottish Parliament. The reception gave 7 Scottish Charities the opportunity to network with politicians and each other. Mary Fee MSP and I were able to address the 150 guests and MSPs to help convey the importance of support for bereaved families and the resources that were available.
Hearts of Remembrance
In the run up to speaking at the International Conference of prevention of Stillbirth, SIDS and Baby Survival I appeared on BBC Radio Scotland Kay Adams’s breakfast show, to talk about accident prevention and life as a Vilomah. I also appeared on the BBC website, STV news and many other media outlets. I then spoke on the opening day of the International Conference, which was attended by over 500 delegates from 27 countries. My talk was entitled ‘The voice of a Vilomah’ my whole aim was to make the attendees remember the families behind the statistics.
On social media I have made it my mission to share other’s stories, trying to show that child loss comes in many shapes and sizes. It is a passion of mine to make sure that Dad’s voices are equally heard. I think it is so important that men are listened to and are equally considered in the conversations asking about their child and checking up on them as well as mums. As part of the Our Missing Peace social media platform we recently had our first parents meet up; an opportunity for bereaved parents to come together as community and to just know they are not alone.
I truly believe that if we can come together, regardless of circumstance, we can create a community that no longer is shunned from society. By joining together, we are a voice that no longer can be ignored.
My biggest hope is that people see me as a advocate for them and their children, because no matter what we will never stop wanting to hear our children’s names!
What others Have Said
“Nicole runs Our Missing Piece. A movement that wants to raise awareness of child loss and break the silence of it. She has put together a list of parents that blog on their loss so that others don’t feel so alone. She wants to push through Dad’s Voices so they too can be heard.”