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My Plea:

Sandra McCalla is a mother of two rainbow babies. She is also a stillbirth survivor.

On the 13th October 2001, her first son, Andrew, was stillborn.

She was young and overjoyed at the thought of becoming a mum for the first time. “40 kicks a day,” they said at the time, and Andrew certainly did that. Everyday she’d work out when he was sleeping and when he was awake. But then one particular day, 6 months into the pregnancy, something just didn’t feel right.

Following a few scans, to her complete shock and horror, the doctor broke the devastating news saying, “I’m really sorry, but your baby has died inside of you.” As she cried and hollered in response to the news, the noise that left her body (and she can only describe it as a noise), is a sound that still rings in her ears today.

She dealt with her loss privately, but reached out for help and counselling from her church pastor. She would only allow close family and friends to visit. Sometimes she couldn’t talk; she just sat there, but they held her hand all the same and stayed with her. She’d sneak out to the bathroom and sob, but they’d wait for her until she returned. Even though she had that support, She still lived in the isolating grief that this journey brings.

She was always worried and had a constant hint of anxiety when she became pregnant again. It changed how she felt about herself – from emotions of shame and embarrassment to humiliation and denial. Not because people would have judged her, but because it somehow felt that her own body had failed.

She never knew that after having to carry Andrew inside of her for a total of three days, before finally giving birth to him, that she was going to then embark on a journey that would completely changed her life… forever.

In the early days and weeks to follow, she began to ask the question, “Why me?” But as she went through her journey, she began to say, “Why not me?”

She eventually learned how to deal with her grief and began to see brighter days ahead. As painful as it was, she grew as a person. It changed her outlook on life and optimism. It changed what she previously took for granted. She began to love quicker. Forgive quicker. Value her friends and family more, because she knew that tomorrow was not promised. She became more empathic and understanding of people as she realised that you don’t know what people have been through that’s caused them to be who they are today.

She was troubled by the fact that there were women who had travelled this journey alone. No family, no friends, no counselling, no support, and so she always wanted to find a way to help others in a similar situation to hers. 16 years went by and she still knew that she wanted to help others.

She knew it would be painful. She knew that she would potentially be re-opening some wounds, but she chose to put those feelings aside in favour of the bigger picture – that of helping others. She decided to put her own fears aside. Despite suddenly feeling exposed, she wanted her story, Andrew’s story, to help others realise that they were not alone. It was time to stop suffering in silence.

In the weeks leading up to Andrew’s 16th memorial, she took a brave step and decided to share her story publicly during a very honest and raw BBC radio interview with Nick Coffer. The calls and messages from the listeners were very moving. The interview led to an invitation to speak at her local hospital’s Midwifery Training Day. She also shared her story in her local newspaper.

As vulnerable as she felt, she found the courage to launch ‘Andrew’s Rainbow’ social media pages. Not only to share her story and raise awareness surrounding baby loss, but to also share that there is hope after loss!

In addition, she knew that if Andrew had still been with them, they would have been celebrating his 16th birthday with his friends and family. She refused to let this pass, and so she organised a charity gala ball in Andrew’s memory, while raising money for two amazing charities whose causes had had a direct impact on her life over those last 16 years.

Friends, family and supporters came together to share in an evening of world class entertainment, and were graced with the presence of special guests David and Siobhan Monteith (Grace In Action). Those in attendance generously donated, and a total of £1778.26 was raised for Friends of CHUMS Baby Loss Service and the Luton and Dunstable Hospital NICU department.

13th October 2018 marks 17 years since Andrew died, and Sandra still holds onto her belief that if she can help somebody, if Andrew’s Rainbow can help someone, then her experience was not in vain.

What others have said:

“Andrew McCalla was still born in 2001 and Sandra McCalla dealt with it privately, no one beyond her immediate circle knowing. She was brave enough to get help but still lived in the isolating grief that this journey brings. Last year Andrew would have had his 16th birthday. Sandra refused to let this pass. She organised a charity gala ball. 16 years later Sandra wanted to help others. Knowing how alone she had felt she realised that despite suddenly feeling exposed she wanted her story, Andrews story to help others not feel alone. Despite knowing it would be painful she decided to put that aside in favour of the big picture – that of helping others. On Andrews 16th birthday Sandra stood up to show the world publicity that time means nothing to the bonds of love.”

https://youtu.be/zvkJvRC1baY