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My Plea:
We’d like to start by thanking everyone who nominated us and to the judges for short listing us. We are truly grateful to be attending this year’s Butterfly Awards for the second year in a row. We are Sophia and Gareth Williams, parents to two beautiful girls, Hollie and Ava.
In June 2016 we were weeks away from the world as we know it changing in an instant. We knew it was going to change, we were excited for what we expected. However nothing could have prepared us for what was about to happen.
We were weeks away from the world crashing down around us, from our lives being broken and from there always being a before and after point in our life. We were days away from our youngest daughter’s death, when we thought we were days away from meeting her for the first time and spending the rest of our lives together.
We’d had a lovely pregnancy, just like I did with Ava’s older sister. Ava was perfect. I had no morning sickness and no funny cravings (although I did go off broccoli)! Everything went well at the 12 and 20 week scans. In fact, up until the 30th June, everything was as it should be. It was a Thursday evening and realising Ava hadn’t moved all afternoon or evening, we went to the hospital to be checked. We were told all was ok and went home. Just over two weeks later on Saturday 16th July, she hadn’t been moving for a second time, so again we went back in to hospital and once more we were told everything was ok. Reassured and thinking I’d been worrying about nothing, we headed home. We had also been in to hospital on Wednesday 6th July concerned that my waters may be leaking. It was confirmed they were not.
On our journey home, on Saturday 16th July, Ava had some really big movements which we were happy about. To see her moving again made us think I’d been worrying about nothing (I remember recording a little video of her wriggling about whilst I was in the car). However, since losing Ava we have found that research shows reduced movement followed by bigger than normal movements can be a sign of something being seriously wrong. I wish we’d known this at the time as we would have turned around and gone straight back in to hospital.
Ava was due on Friday 22nd July 2016, but on Tuesday 19th, three days after Ava’s second set of reduced movement, we excitedly dropped her big sister Hollie off at her grandparents believing that unlike her, Ava was going to make an early arrival. Having felt regular pains throughout the afternoon and evening I presumed labour had begun.
We walked in to the hospital so full of love, excitement and joy, our minds filled with perceptive images of our beautiful baby. We didn’t know if we’d be having another daughter or a son. One thing was certain, we couldn’t wait to find out. I remember that as soon as we arrived I told one of the midwives on duty that if possible I’d really like the room with a birthing pool.
Within an hour of arriving however, everything had changed. After two midwifes were unable to locate our baby’s heartbeat we were taken in to a private room and scanned. We knew something was wrong, but we didn’t want to believe it. We couldn’t believe it. The consultant didn’t need to say anything, the look on her face said what our heads already knew but our hearts didn’t want to believe… what our ears didn’t want to hear.
“I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat.” These are words which anyone who has ever been in our utterly devastating position will tell you, they’ll never forget being told.
Ava’s dad fell apart. The first words out of his mouth being, “not now”. I will never forget the look on his face, the feeling of emptiness in the room, the instant numbness, the sensation of not being able to believe any of it and somehow detaching ourselves from what we’d been told. None of it seemed real. We desperately wanted it to be a terrible nightmare that we’d soon be waking up from.
Having suffered two miscarriages in 2015, Ava was going to be our long awaited for rainbow baby. We couldn’t wait for Hollie to meet her; we’d bought her a special t-shirt and a card to congratulate her on becoming a big sister. Of course she still is, just not in the way we envisioned.
Due to the miscarriages, I found the pregnancy quite worrying at first and couldn’t really relax until after my 12 week scan. I remember feeling relieved after the 20 week scan, believing nothing would go wrong after the mid way point.
Ava was stillborn at 6.30am on Thursday 21st July 2016. She weighed 8lb 0.5oz’s of pure perfection. She looked exactly like her big sister and all I wanted to do was hold her against my chest. I prayed for a miracle. I didn’t take my eyes off her, hoping she’d somehow imitate my breathing whilst she lay so peacefully against me. We spent just over thirty hours together. We said hello, we said goodbye. We told Ava we loved her. We found ourselves taking hundreds of photos and making memories which we will never forget. I’d give anything to go back to those moments and hold our precious angel one more time.
Leaving the hospital with empty arms and driving away with a vacant car seat is by far one of the hardest things we have ever done.
Within the space of a few days we’d gone from ticking off our hospital bag check list, to thinking about funeral arrangements. No one can prepare you for that. Ava should have turned two in July and our entire family is constantly aware of her absence.
Hollie speaks about Ava regularly and misses what should have been. It’s heartbreaking to see and hear. Some of the things she’s said are; “I’d like to go in an aeroplane on holiday to the sky so we can see Ava”, “Why did my sister die?”, “We could have bought this for Ava” and “If I die, will I be with Ava? I’d like to go and snuggle her.” She’s only four and as much as we want to take the pain away, we know we can’t. We know as parents it’s the one situation we’re unable to make better for Hollie. One of the hardest decisions we’ve ever made was whether or not Hollie should meet Ava. She was only two years old when Ava died and for us, we felt it best for her to not see Ava in case it confused her. We hope that as she grows up, she can understand our reasoning for this. Ava is very much and always will be a part of our family. Keeping her memory alive helps us to try and fill the void she’s left.
Since losing Ava, my husband and I have both struggled. We have both had counselling and looked at ways of trying to come to terms with what has happened in our family. We have relied on online support groups and the opportunity of talking to others who unfortunately know the pain through losing babies and/or children of their own. We have both said that if it wasn’t for Hollie, we don’t know how we could have coped. She was the only reason we’d get out of bed in the first few weeks after Ava died.
Ava’s Fund:
Since Ava died we have set up Ava’s Fund and whilst working with a registered charity, Towards Tomorrow Together, our aim is to help raise awareness of and reduce stillbirth rates across the South West.
Within the first year:
• We held several fundraising activities.
• Were shortlisted for awards.
• Wrote about Ava online and in newspapers.
• Set up a blog with posts which have been read across the world.
• Helped support a lady who found out her baby had sadly died. I overheard a conversation where the lady told someone she’d found out at the scan that there was no heartbeat. In an instant I knew I wanted to help and the next day emotionally supported the lady and her family during her son’s birth at 16 weeks 6 days gestation. I am honoured to know I am one of the only people who ever met her son.
• Raised thousands of pounds for charity, £2,500 of which was used to provide medical staff at our local hospital with specialist bereavement care and stillbirth prevention training. We attended these two training days and spoke about Ava.
• We had a meeting at another hospital with a lady who was partially responsible in the implementation of Saving Babies Lives and reducing stillbirth rates at that hospital to see what can be put into practice elsewhere and consequently reduce rates further.
• In August 2017 we completed the 3 peaks challenge (hiking the 3 highest mountains in the UK over 3 days) to raise money for charity.
The fundraising events we organised during 2016/17 included charity pub quizzes, a children’s fun morning, swimming in the sea on New Year’s Day, a 3 peaks hiking challenge, hiking the 3 highest peaks in the UK over 3 days (which included months of training) and Ava’s Fund-Day, a family fun day with a bouncy castle, glitter tattoos, performances, Disney princesses, activities for children, face painting, an ice cream van and lots more. The town Mayor and Mayoress opened the fun day and asked if we’d consider making it an annual event, which we have. Ava’s Fund-Day will be held every year around the time of Ava’s birthday. We hope these events will continue to create awareness. The money raised will be used to help reduce stillbirth rates.
In 2017 we were shortlisted in the category ‘Star Fundraiser Award’ at the Cornwall Star Awards which was held at the Eden Project on Thursday 9th March 2017. We were also shortlisted for two awards at The Butterfly Awards and were honoured to receive the award for Awareness Advocate.
2017/18:
During the past year we have held several fundraising events, including Ava’s Fund Day, charity bucket shakes and having a team of runners (myself included) completing the Plymouth Half Marathon in May. We have also been very lucky to receive the support of others who have held fundraisers for us, including a salon in Plymouth who are currently organising a charity ball which will take place in November. Our current fundraising total has now reached over £17,000 and we predict it to be £20,000 by the end of the year.
Within the past six months we have funded another training session for medical staff within the maternity department at Derriford Hospital. We have also funded 10,000 Mama Academy Wallets which are being distributed to local mums. Since doing this, we have been contacted by the Head of Midwifery at the Royal Devon and Exeter foundation trust who is interested in using the wallets across the whole of Devon. We will be meeting with her shortly to discuss possibilities. We have spoken on ITV news, the radio and within newspapers about the wallets, their introduction locally and how important they are.
We are really pleased to announce that since the Butterfly Awards in 2017, we have become aware of babies we have potentially saved due to the work we do and the awareness we raise.
One lady had been experiencing reduced fetal movements and on contacting me, asking whether she should keep going back in to hospital. I understood how she was feeling, probably exactly how I had, like she was being a bit of a nuisance. But she wasn’t, I encouraged her to keep going back, to trust her instincts.
After three sets of reduced movement at full term, the hospital acted and made the decision to induce mummy and encourage labour.
When the little girl was born it was discovered she’d had a hidden infection and so did mummy, they were both given antibiotics immediately and I’m very happy to say that they’re both doing really well. The little girl will be one in January. Her mummy has told me that if it wasn’t for Ava, all we do in her memory to raise awareness and what I’d said when she contacted me with reduced movements, she may not have gone back in. She said “You’ve done her a great justice by essentially saving my little girl xx”. I literally can’t put in to words how emotional it makes me feel.
Nominations:
People say we are strong and inspirational for all we’ve done in Ava’s memory. People have said:
“Since the day I contacted her, she (Sophia) has been totally supportive to myself and has taken the time to be there for my daughter, even through her own grief…. the world would be a better place with more people like Sophia and Gareth.”
“I would like to nominate Sophia & Gareth Williams from Ava’s Fund for an award. The fundraising they have done for stillbirth awareness and prevention is truly inspirational at the best of times let alone when they’ve been doing it while suffering their own grief after losing their beautiful daughter. On top of the amazing work they have done through Ava’s Fund Sophia has also been a huge support myself and my family since the loss of our baby girl at Christmas. It takes an amazing family to put their own grief aside and do the work they have done, and offer support to families in the same position as them. For a long time that support was a life line for me, so in my eyes they are two of the most deserving people ever for this award!”
“Sophia and Gareth have become committed to raising money to help with raising awareness of what is an almost taboo subject. They have a three year old daughter who misses the sister she never knew.”
“Sophia is my oldest friend and I have now seen her live through the hardest most heartbreaking year of her life since losing her daughter, Ava, who was stillborn just days before her due date. Her and her husband have spent this year determined to raise awareness of stillbirth and support others who have been and are going through the same unimaginable loss. Both of them truly are an inspiration and if I could nominate her for more than one category I would.”
“Sophia, her husband Gareth, and their daughter Hollie have worked to raise money to promote awareness of stillbirth and to reduce the rate across the South West. To date, since the stillbirth of their second daughter Ava on 21st July 2016 they have raise in excess of £11000 and have funded the implementation of the MAMA wellbeing wallets into Derriford hospital. Despite never previously being a runner, Sophia has opted to run the Plymouth Half Marathon to continue in her efforts to raise money and promote a cause which is so close to her heart.”
We will be eternally grateful for our nominations as being short listed will provide us with the opportunity to reach more people and create further awareness.
We don’t do any of what we do for recognition or to be told we are inspirational. The truth is, it’s the only way we know how to keep Ava’s memory alive. If we can prevent more babies from dying then everything we do will be worth it and if we can help others who tragically find themselves in our situation, we will. Why? Because we understand just how important the help and support is.
Thank you for taking the time to read.
We will love you for eternity Ava. Gone, but never forgotten.
What Other’s Have Said
“Sophia and Gareth have challenged themselves to generate huge amounts of awareness for stillbirth across the south west and beyond. Sophia has pushed herself physically to raise money and awareness, completing the 3 peaks challenge with her husband and most recently running the Plymouth Half Marathon wearing the names of dozens of angel babies’ names on her t-shirt helping to bring comfort to many other families knowing their baby is being remembered. She has also worked with Plymouth midwives to implement information packs to be given out to expectant mothers in the area to help them better understand the signs or stillbirth and hopefully reduce the numbers of unnecessary deaths.”