Name: After Evalyn
Organisation:
Award Category: Author/blogger (international)
Sponsored By:
Voting Is Now Closed
My Plea:
It’s amazing how the world continues to turn in the same moment life has flung you from it. Or how you continue to breathe when your lungs feel like they’ve collapsed. But that is how I felt in the moment I heard the words, “I’m so sorry but there is no heartbeat. Your baby has died.” I felt helpless. I felt like I had completely lost my sense of direction. I felt so incredibly alone. I was 38 weeks pregnant. It was the first official day of my maternity leave. And I’d just been told that my baby girl – Evalyn – would not be coming home.
The loss of a baby leaves you in a very confusing place. I found myself typing questions into Google in the hope of finding answers. I walked around a house full of baby items that would never get used and a painted nursery that Evalyn would never sleep in. I would worry about outwardly showing my grief to friends and family in case I made them uncomfortable. My anxiety would rise each time a stranger casually asked how many children I had. So often I would write all of my feelings into my journals, or poems or songs. It became my self-therapy. But I began to slowly realise that perhaps it wasn’t only myself that needed to read my words. Perhaps others did to?
I started my blog, After Evalyn, to tell the journey of our life after loss. To share my thought processes, my struggles but also to show how hope can be found again in many ways. I wanted to give Evalyn the voice that she never had in life. To raise awareness of baby loss and the challenges that parents and other family members face when they are left with broken hearts and empty arms. I started it so that I could publish my own thoughts and feelings for my family and friends to read because sometimes it is too hard to sit down with a coffee and try to explain every thought process at once. And I started it in the hope of finding others who were missing little ones from their lives. To find support. To lend support. To be there on the good days, the bad days and all the days in-between.
I love writing my blog for my girl. I love writing my poetry for not only her but for all our babies – and every so often I’ll even pick up my ukulele and write a song! We so often hear and say ourselves that this community is never one we would choose to be a part of. No parent should ever have to live without their little ones. But this community is one of strength and support. I feel incredibly grateful that what I write has touched the hearts of others and I am so thankful to be a finalist for this award category as I very much feel that it is something myself and Evalyn have worked on together. I am just a proud mother trying to show the world that it’s alright to speak about our babies. Baby loss shouldn’t ever be a taboo. It is a complex grief and a unique loss. But it needs to be spoken about. No one should ever have to feel alone.
What Others Have Said
I saw her be destroyed to the core and shattered and in my own mind, as a mother, I just couldn’t fathom how she, or they, were ever going to be rebuilt. How do you ‘move on’ from your baby not coming home with you? Can you ever move on?
But she carried on, from Day One Lyndsey was determined to keep Evalyn alive; to make everyone love her (we do), to have memories of her (I do), to make everyone speak of her with love (we do), to know Evalyn (I do), for people to not be afraid to speak of her (I’m not), for people to see her (I do) and for her to live the best possible life she could, even though it was so unfairly snatched from her before she even took a breath. Lyndsey, despite being broken, was going to live for Evalyn and for every single other loss parent that did not yet exist; but whom she knew would, for all of her friends, and for non loss parents who were also knew to this world.
Lyndsey is so inspiring the way she writes her poetry and songs and she speaks so honestly .
As someone who works in a funeral home, it’s been an invaluable tool to be able to signpost grieving parents to Lyndsey’s blog, where I know they can access such incredible support.
Lyndsey is an inspiration. Evalyn would be incredibly proud of everything she has done, and continues to do, to keep her precious memory alive.
Lyndseys words are raw, honest, brutal, compssionate, beautiful, full of emotion and inspiring. The funny thing is, she has no idea how much she touches and helps others in the midst of their grief. An amazing mother and phenomenal woman
After losing my little girl I searched for something online…I wasn’t sure what but I found Lyndseys blog. And I found her words. And I reached out to Lyndsey and I’m so proud to now call Lyndsey a friend and am honoured to know her and her beautiful family. My first email to Lyndsey started ..Dear Evalyn…in my grief and tears I realised too late what I had messaged and already had pressed send. But Lyndsey didn’t mind one bit, and reached right back to me with love and kindness. Her blog, poetry and music is beautiful Lyndsey is able to put into words what I have struggled with. Thank you Lyndsey. Xxx
A blessing to the baby loss community her words and music touch my soul as I’m part of this community too. When you know what you want to express but can’t and this lady can it really makes you feel so less alone
Lyndsay is an inspiration and her words always sit perfectly with how I am feeling/felt
Lyndsey is so inspiring her poetry and songs are written so beautifully and she touched so many including me
Lindsey is an inspiration to so many. As a bereaved parent myself, I know how this experience could so easily destroy you, but not only has she managed to carry on, she also manages to support so many others in the same awful situation. Her blog is so honest, and helpful to so many other bereaved parents, putting into words what they too are experiencing, helping them feel that they are not alone. Lyndsey and Nick are an incredible partnership, and do so much to help the baby loss community.
Yassssss… you go girls!!! Love you both to the ends of the earth!!!! Xxxxxx
Lyndsey is an amazing writer and mother.
After losing our little boy Thomas is November 2016 I found Lyndsey’s blog and related to her immediately.
She eloquently conveys the feelings of grief and life after loss which means when I read her work I realise that the emotions and feelings I experience are normal.
Lyndsey is a remarkable inspiration.
You’re truly one of the strongest women I have ever come across Lyndsey. You write with so much beauty and grace. Such an inspiration ❤️
Lyndsey is one of the most caring, wonderful, inspirational woman I have ever met. When I lost my little girl last year I came across her blog and instantly reached out to her, everything she wrote I could relate to. I could feel what she was feeling. I found a lot of comfort talking to her in the dark days and am now so proud to say that I have made a lifelong friend out of her. Keep doing what you’re doing Lynsey. You are incredible ?
An absolute inspiration!! A wonderful mother, wife, daughter and friend.
Her work is just incredible and has helped so many along their journeys even when on her own journey. Her level of commitment and kindness is what makes me proud to call her my friend ❤️