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Plea:
I remember my father saying the one thing that I thought would never happen to me: “Son,” he said, “you should never have to bury your own children”
On the 26th May 2014 those words became my reality when our daughter Ava was born at 26 weeks and sadly grew her wings just seven hours after being born. Ava suffered many health issues including a bleed on her brain.
Losing a baby is devastating for any parent but I was out of the country in Benidorm and unable to get home to say hello or goodbye to Ava. I was told on a telephone call from a consultant at the hospital that my beautiful little girl would not survive the next few hours and that I may not make it back in time. My wife then spoke to me and decided not to prolong Ava’s suffering and stop any further care. My heart felt like it had been ripped out and crushed. I was with some friends who really didn’t know what to do other than hug me. Our flight took off at 10:10am and reached cruising altitude a short while later. It was only later when we got home that I found out Ava had passed away pretty much at that point in the journey. The flight was only three hours long but felt like a lifetime. We landed and my father-in-law was waiting at the airport; his face confirmed my worst fears: Ava has gone. We travelled straight to the hospital where I spent as much time with Ava as I possibly could.
We should have been leaving the hospital with Ava in her baby-seat, but instead we left empty-handed. Over the next few weeks we tried desperately to come to terms with what had happened; we even had a meeting with the consultants but no-one could give us an explanation as to why Ava was born prematurely.
Then there was Finley, our four-year-old eldest son, had played such an important part in the pregnancy, talking to his mum’s tummy, kissing it goodnight and rubbing it. My wife and I agreed to try to be strong for Finley so we sat him down and explained that his little sister was poorly and had gone to be a star in the sky. He was heart-broken and telling him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
At the hospital we were given a memory box in which to keep Ava’s things. It came with a teddy, which Finley still takes to bed with him.
Ava’s funeral was extremely difficult for everyone. I wanted to carry our daughter into and out of the church and lower her into the grave, so I could be the last person to hold her. I managed to read a poem and also share my own letter to Ava.
The following weeks/months were unbearable and I began to find it more and more difficult to cope with anything; from day to day things and even going back to work.
I thought I could cope, but one day when my sister-in-law brought her daughter to visit (I hadn’t seen her since Ava passed away) I really struggled. Ordinarily she wouldn’t really engage with me straight away, but on this occasion she sat directly in front of me and all I could see was Ava. I thought picking her up would help but it made it worse and at that very moment I knew I needed help.
The pain didn’t get any easier; it intensified. I felt alone, even though I had all the support and love from my family, so decided I wanted to help others going through similar pain. The charity that had given us our memory box no longer existed so it seemed obvious that I should pick up where they left off. I wanted to give memory boxes to all parents who lose their babies in such devastating circumstances.
I arranged an auction and disco and was thrilled we raised over £5000. After some considered thought I made a decision to set up a charity in Ava’s name and registered Baby Ava’s Support Foundation. Our goal is to supply as many boxes to as many hospitals as is humanly possible. Today we supply nine hospitals up and down the country.
Funds are raised mainly through donations and events, and I try to take part in as many as possible. In eighteen months I have completed in a 10k Wolf Run, been the auctioneer at our auction and disco, got into a boxing ring for three rounds and played against Birmingham Allstars in a charity football match. My biggest achievement was a cycle ride from Benidorm (where i was when Ava died) to Redditch (where she passed away). I covered 1216 miles in 11 days during which I managed a gruelling climb of the Pyrenees.
I have also wrote a poem for fathers called ‘Daddy Don’t Cry.’ I feel passionately that fathers and siblings are supported as they often go forgotten.
People always tell me it will get easier but it simply isn’t the case; we just learn to deal with our loss day to day. I meander through emotion after emotion; some good and some bad.
I find comfort knowing the charity is growing every month and that we have attracted some great supporters including Gary Newbon (Sky sports presenter) and Danielle Brown MBE (2 x Paralympic gold medallist and 12 x world record holder).
My mind has travelled to many dark places and I have struggled (and continue to struggle) to cope with my grief, but supplying our memory boxes and knowing that parents will have some comfort helps me so much. Soon I hope to complete a bereavement course and set up support groups for fathers in the same position as me.
The charity has featured in many local newspapers and more recently I have been interviewed on local television. I am continually striving to raise awareness of baby loss so that I turn my grief into something positive in memory of my beautiful daughter Ava.
What others have said:
He is keeping the memory alive of the child he lost 2 years ago by setting up a charity in his daughters name, raising considerable amounts of money to provide other parents that go through the same pain as he did with memory boxes in the hospitals throughout England.
Richard is the definition of inspiration. He developed Baby Ava’s support foundation following the tragic loss of his daughter Ava has gone on to give comfort to other parents experiencing the second loss. Through fundraising & events he raises funds to be able to provide memory boxes to parents of little angels to treasure memories. I have seen first hand how comforting these boxes are and the first time I watched the video & went through the box & every time since am moved to tears by the thought fullness that goes into these boxes. He truly is an amazing father who gives so much to others through his own loss. He inspires us all to ensure our little angels are honoured & cherished always.
Our son has done amazing through his grief of losing his daughter. The memory boxes are lovely and are given to hospitals free of charge. He has done many fund raising events too many to mention and relys on donations to keep these boxes going as people have been very generous. He is an inspirational father and deserves something in return and this would be lovely if he gets it .
Amazing work from Richard who continues to raise funds for a very special cause to help other like minded people keeping their child’s memory forever treasured.
Richard is a true inspiration for his hard work and commitment and sheer determination in everything he does a winner as far as I am concerned
Words cannot describe how much effort this father has gone through in order to make his daughter Ava and family proud. He is a top man and he has done some remarkable events in order to raise vast amounts of money and awareness for such an awful and far too frequent tragedy. Ive watched him fight in a ring, organise a superb disco and auction evening and watched his live video feeds of his cycle from benidorm to redditch…all this whilst still being a great husband and father. All the best Acky – already a winner mate!
Richard you are a real inspiration with all you do for Ava’s charity I can’t put it into words how proud I am of you for the things you do and events you arrange to make money for this very sad but so worthwhile charity. Hope this gives you the recognition you so deserve . My love and best wishes for the future.
I met Richard last year and was so moved by his story and his relentless determination to make a difference to the lives of parents who suffer the same loss he had to endure. He is one of the most selfless and humble people I know and deserves every recognition for his efforts. Much love Richard; we salute you. J x
Richard is an absolute inspiration. He offered me some great advice and really supported my friends and I. His dedication to supporting others going through such a heartbreaking time is incredible. I messaged him and within a day we had a beautiful memory box ready for my friends angel and I cannot express how much he helped – more than he realised. We are all forever thank ful.
Richard is an absolute inspiration. The dedication he puts in to supporting others who have had an angel baby is incredible. I messaged him for advice and he supported my friends and I more than he could even begin to imagine and by the next day we had a memory box delivered to us ready. The box was stunning, words cannot describe how much love has gone into these. We are forever thankful x
Richard is doing amazing work for others after experiencing such heartbreak, it must provide comfort to so many, truly admirable.
I first met Richard many years ago,playing football alongside his dad. He would be stood watching from the sidelines most weekends.
He was a cheeky chappie but always good to have around.
I lost contact with the family for many years, but managed to get back in touch last year, and joined him on his mud run, and he told of his sad story and his plight to raise as much money as possible for the memory boxes!
He had certainly grown up from the lad I knew years ago and has become an inspirational person/Father who had made his family very proud.
I wish him the best of luck and every success as hr continues to raise much needed money so that those unfortunate parents who lose their children early in life have something to remember them by.
Richard is a truly inspiration person and father, turning such a sad loss into keeping his baby daughters memory alive and helping our parents like us that have also experienced loss.
A vote well deserved. Good Luck
Michelle & Matt
I’ve known Richard since when we were both in the Navy. Our unit decommissioned in 2001 and that was it really. Fast forward 15 years and I get a friend request on Facebook the day after last years Butterfly Awards from ‘a Richard Atkinson’. I say ‘a Richard Atkinson’ because I always knew him as Ackey. It took me a good hour to realise who it was before I confirmed friendship. I asked him how he found me and to my recollection he said through the Awards, as he liked a mutual friends picture and realised I liked it too. Well all the way home as a passenger we were on and off chatting about our lives since HMS CAMBRIDGE. He had moved back up north, I had married Simmo whom Richard knows. Then he started telling me about his beautiful family and Baby Ava. Well nothing stops me in my tracks normally but this knocked me for six. Crying like you dont know I was as he was telling me what happened. This crying then turned into admiration with how he supported his wife and what he started doing by making these beautiful Memory Boxes. What can I say Richard? You put your mind, body, soul and your heart into everything you do for Baby Ava and your family. You’re an inspiration and it’s an honour to know you and thank you for friend requesting me last year. I can’t wait to see you and your wife next week. Suzy x
What an inspiration! Absolutely amazing. I had to make my own memory box for my 2 little lost angels and ask a friend to knit me blankets for them. Your boxes look beautiful. I only wish they were available when I needed them a few years back. Your daughter will be so very proud of her Daddy I’m sure.